Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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