Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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