I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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