what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize