dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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