____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
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