We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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