I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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