Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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