if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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