My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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