You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize