I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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