everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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