my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize