I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize