dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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