My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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