I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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