Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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