My underwear smells like fireworks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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