Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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