I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize