when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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