I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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