cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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