i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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