I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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