theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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