Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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