Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize