I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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