so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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