Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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