At least make sure they are 18
Why
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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