3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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