this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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