i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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