I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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