He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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