I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize