I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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