I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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