"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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