He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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