Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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