you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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