If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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