i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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