i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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